Wednesday, 3 September 2014

My narrative

W.A.L.T: use a range of sentence structures. 

On a warm summers day in an extremely posh school Ashley was walking to her usual lunch spot when she heard footsteps behind her which made her heart beat a million miles per hour.

A few metres away Zach was talking with his friends when he saw Ashley.

"WOW" he said.

Meanwhile, Ashley and Sophia were having there first encounter and believe me it wasn't a good one. If Sophia wanted friends she wasn't going the right way about it. 

She started of by saying "your my new friend go get changed into some fashionable clothes"

Of course Ashley wanted to be friends with the most popular girl in school. There was a moment of hesitation before Ashley said "Ok let me just get changed" 

Ashley walked to her locker where she kept her best clothes just in case. 

She walked back outside to Sophia and she looked beautiful in her pink spotty party dress. Her hair was tied back in a bun and her shoes were black with sequins and a bow at the tip. 

"Wow" Sophia exclaimed "you look like one of us".

"Thanks" Ashley said wondering if it was a complement or not.

Just then Zach walked over to Ashley and introduced himself to Ashley. 

Hey do you want to go to the mall after school"? Ashley said trying to change the subject. 

"Sure let me just text my mum and tell her"

"Ok meet you at the gate" Sophia said with glee. 

Zach quickly asked for Ashley's phone number but as she pulled out her phone Sophia snickered.

"Where's your iPhone"Sophia teased. 

"Um I don't have one"

"Oh  dear you must get one if you want to be my friend" Sophia said

I don't have enough money what am I going to do she thought.

"I will try to get one I guess"

At this point Ashley started to walk away. 

"Brinnnnnnnnnng" went the bell. 

"Back to class everyone" said miss Harrington. 

As the day went by Sophia grew more nervous. 

When the second bell rang Ashley jumped out of her chair, grabbed her bag and ran to the school gate  where they were supposed to meet but Sophia wasn't there.

Ashley was mad, what if Sophia didn't want to be her friend anymore, but just as she was about to leave Zach came over to her. 

"Why are you in those clothes" he said in a puzzled way. 

"Oh um I joined the popular group".

"Oh I liked you better before when you were yourself".

"I'm sorry maybe I was wrong I just wanted some friends".

"I know how you feel" Zach said with a far away glance.

"What do you mean?" Ashley said. 

"I used to be like you no offence I had no friends and I was lonely every day and when the popular group became my friends I changed and now I can't change back, but it's not to late for you"

"Oh I didn't know that. I have to go my mum wants me home" Ashley said in a sad way.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Zach called out.

Ashley went back home and carried on with what she usually did after school.

The next day Ashley woke up feeling amazing but a little bit nervous. She rummaged through her closet and found a nice purple singlet top and a pair of skinny jeans her Aunty had bought for her just in case she wanted to be fashionable. 

She realised that old yuckey clothes weren't her thing. She would go shopping in the weekend. Ashley grabbed her bag and went out the door. 

When she got to school she sat in her usual space and got to work. When she heard the bell she ran over to where the popular kids hang out and waited for Sophia.

Finally, when Sophia came over to Ashley she smiled.

"Um I don't really want to be in the popular group anymore but we can still be friends". Ashley said worriedly. 

"Oh I guess that's ok" Sophia said. "I would like it if we were still friends. Sophia said happily. 

"Yeah I would like that too" Ashley said extremely relieved. 

Ashley left to go find Zach. When she found him she grew nervous.

"I talked to Sophia and I told her that I didn't want to be in the popular group anymore but that we can still be friends".

"That's great well done".

"Well um I think that you're awesome and do you want to be my friend"? Zach said so fast that no one except for Ashley could hear. 

"Sure do you want to hang out after school"?

"Yeah that would be cool".

And they all became a trio of awesome friends the end.

The SOLO level I achieved for surface features is relational because I know why I've used them and I have got most of them in the right place.
The SOLO level I achieved for my narrative is relational because I have a moral in my story and my ideas are specific.

My next step is to make sure my moral is clear and to make my story a bit shorter.

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